I really would like to know why I'm having trouble sleeping. I have open circles on my chart two days in a row. Yes, the last two mornings ... and I'm assuming that if the progesterone has made me "normal" that I might be ovulating soon. But I can't accurately know if I'm not consistantly getting 3 hours of sleep before waking.
Monday night it was because we were in a hotel and I kept hearing strange sounds that weren't like home and would startle myself awake. Last night was thunderstorms, then cats rumbling under the bed, then the hubby getting up to get a glass of water, then more rain sounds and then it was my 6am alarm indicating that I needed to take my temperature and get up for work. UGH. And things were going so well this cycle with the temps until the last couple days. Oh well ... hopefully it will even out.
OH CRAP. But I forgot. My husband is a firefighter and he leaves for a 24 hour shift tomorrow morning. Home Friday/Friday night. Then he leaves on Saturday morning and doesn't come home until Tuesday morning. So he'll be gone on my CD12, 14-16. :( I hope our timing works out sometime in the next few months.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
I hate my job.
I realize that in the Michigan economy, having a job at all is a blessing. So don't get me wrong ... I'm glad that I have a job, but I hate it. I've hated it from the day I started and it makes me sick to my stomach whenever I pull into the parking lot. I live for weekends. If I could afford to quit and look for a new job, I would without a second glance. But I can't do that, not to mention the fact that there simply aren't any jobs to be had in this area right now (and especially not ones with a comparable salary).
Most of the people that I work with don't have outside friends (they are friends with each other - I'm not) or interests outside of work. Most of them have worked there since they got out of high school and never went to college. I have a Master's Degree. Most of them are in their 50's or older. I'm 29. I was 23 when I got hired and since being hired, I've gotten my MA, met my husband, got engaged and married and now we're trying to start a family. My coworkers are grandparents. I have a ton of outside interests and friends that I see after work and on weekends.
I had a meeting with one of my bosses the other day at work and she basically said that since most of my coworkers go in on Saturday mornings from 7am-noon and stay til 5:30pm during the week that I should "seriously consider" doing the same. And that I should also make a point to come in on my Mondays off (I work 7am-4:30pm - 9.5hrs - so that I can have every other Monday off). If I worked the extra hours though, there is no extra overtime pay. They would give me comp time to have time off later. Except that I wouldn't have any time to take off since I'd basically be living at work. My boss said that she knows I have a life outside of work, but that I should really make work my #1 priority above my family and friends. I just looked at her like she was crazy. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I fell into this job after I finished a year-long internship as a high school teacher. There weren't any teaching jobs available and I was offered this position. I figured it would be short-term and that I would get a teaching job within the first year or two. That never happened and I really feel stuck. My teaching certificate expires next month and I know that there really aren't any schools that are hiring teachers right now anyway. But I don't know where else to look.
And the other problem is that the husband and I hope to have a baby in 2010. We want to be pregnant soon. How do I potentially search for a new job with the prospect of having a baby? It just really stinks and I am just so upset about it. It makes me want to scream, cry and punch something (or someone, namely my bosses). I am not lazy, I work like crazy! I have a part time job after work, tutoring college students in French. I also own a business for event planning, though that has taken more of a backseat lately with everything else going on.
UGH. It's just so frustrating. Thanks for reading this gripe session.
Most of the people that I work with don't have outside friends (they are friends with each other - I'm not) or interests outside of work. Most of them have worked there since they got out of high school and never went to college. I have a Master's Degree. Most of them are in their 50's or older. I'm 29. I was 23 when I got hired and since being hired, I've gotten my MA, met my husband, got engaged and married and now we're trying to start a family. My coworkers are grandparents. I have a ton of outside interests and friends that I see after work and on weekends.
I had a meeting with one of my bosses the other day at work and she basically said that since most of my coworkers go in on Saturday mornings from 7am-noon and stay til 5:30pm during the week that I should "seriously consider" doing the same. And that I should also make a point to come in on my Mondays off (I work 7am-4:30pm - 9.5hrs - so that I can have every other Monday off). If I worked the extra hours though, there is no extra overtime pay. They would give me comp time to have time off later. Except that I wouldn't have any time to take off since I'd basically be living at work. My boss said that she knows I have a life outside of work, but that I should really make work my #1 priority above my family and friends. I just looked at her like she was crazy. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I fell into this job after I finished a year-long internship as a high school teacher. There weren't any teaching jobs available and I was offered this position. I figured it would be short-term and that I would get a teaching job within the first year or two. That never happened and I really feel stuck. My teaching certificate expires next month and I know that there really aren't any schools that are hiring teachers right now anyway. But I don't know where else to look.
And the other problem is that the husband and I hope to have a baby in 2010. We want to be pregnant soon. How do I potentially search for a new job with the prospect of having a baby? It just really stinks and I am just so upset about it. It makes me want to scream, cry and punch something (or someone, namely my bosses). I am not lazy, I work like crazy! I have a part time job after work, tutoring college students in French. I also own a business for event planning, though that has taken more of a backseat lately with everything else going on.
UGH. It's just so frustrating. Thanks for reading this gripe session.
Monday, May 11, 2009
I love you, Grandpa Mario.
My grandpa passed away around 3:30am today.
He's been sick for the last couple of years, but when I heard that he had to be admitted to the hospital on Saturday evening, I just figured it was par for the course .... he's been in and out of the hospital a lot. So I didn't even make it to visiting hours. (I was planning to go today since it's my day off from work)
My stomach hurts and it is just one of the worst feelings ever. Thank god Aron is on his way home from the station now. I don't feel like being alone today.
He's been sick for the last couple of years, but when I heard that he had to be admitted to the hospital on Saturday evening, I just figured it was par for the course .... he's been in and out of the hospital a lot. So I didn't even make it to visiting hours. (I was planning to go today since it's my day off from work)
My stomach hurts and it is just one of the worst feelings ever. Thank god Aron is on his way home from the station now. I don't feel like being alone today.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Trying to conceive.
Yes, that's right. The hubs and I are wishing and hoping for a little FireBaby to join our family. What a nightmare it's proving to be. Not that I have much room to talk; I know there are plenty of couples out there who have a hard time, much harder than I can talk about only a little over 2 months into it. But that doesn't really make it any less frustrating for me.
I was on hormonal birth control pills for years and years. I lost track of how long it was exactly, but it's been a long time. I heard from some people that it takes 3-6 months to regulate, and from others that it could be even longer. But then I heard from several people who were able to get pregnant right away, the first month after stopping their pills. So I figured it wouldn't be too bad for me. Oh to have known what I know now back before I went on the pills in the first place - I never would have started.
I stopped taking my pills on March 5. So I'm now into month 3 of no birth control. I have not had a visit from AF yet (and I'm not pregnant as both home and blood tests have proven) and all my hormone levels are within the normal range. So as of last night, I have to take a hormone supplement for 10 days in order to hopefully get AF to show her wicked face. I really hope it works because it was the last thing I wanted to have to do (take more hormones, that is).
Since stopping my pills, I have acquired a bad case of oily skin and acne like never before in my life - it's the worst ever for someone who never had this growing up!! I've also gained weight (I thought you were supposed to lose weight when coming off those pills???) and had bad headaches and random cramps and other bathroom issues that don't really need to be discussed here. Suffice it to say that it's been a rough couple of months.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this little 10 day hormone therapy will get me where I need to be, and that things regulate and my body learns that it is, after all, a fertile almost-30 year old woman!!
I have a follow up with the OB on June 8. I'm sure it's not possible, but how fab would it be if we miraculously had a BFP before then?!? Ahhh. A girl can hope for miracles, right :)
Lucky for me ... the hubby doesn't really seem to notice the weight fluctuation or the acne, and regularly tells me I'm beautiful no matter what. He really is amazing! <3 <3 <3
I was on hormonal birth control pills for years and years. I lost track of how long it was exactly, but it's been a long time. I heard from some people that it takes 3-6 months to regulate, and from others that it could be even longer. But then I heard from several people who were able to get pregnant right away, the first month after stopping their pills. So I figured it wouldn't be too bad for me. Oh to have known what I know now back before I went on the pills in the first place - I never would have started.
I stopped taking my pills on March 5. So I'm now into month 3 of no birth control. I have not had a visit from AF yet (and I'm not pregnant as both home and blood tests have proven) and all my hormone levels are within the normal range. So as of last night, I have to take a hormone supplement for 10 days in order to hopefully get AF to show her wicked face. I really hope it works because it was the last thing I wanted to have to do (take more hormones, that is).
Since stopping my pills, I have acquired a bad case of oily skin and acne like never before in my life - it's the worst ever for someone who never had this growing up!! I've also gained weight (I thought you were supposed to lose weight when coming off those pills???) and had bad headaches and random cramps and other bathroom issues that don't really need to be discussed here. Suffice it to say that it's been a rough couple of months.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this little 10 day hormone therapy will get me where I need to be, and that things regulate and my body learns that it is, after all, a fertile almost-30 year old woman!!
I have a follow up with the OB on June 8. I'm sure it's not possible, but how fab would it be if we miraculously had a BFP before then?!? Ahhh. A girl can hope for miracles, right :)
Lucky for me ... the hubby doesn't really seem to notice the weight fluctuation or the acne, and regularly tells me I'm beautiful no matter what. He really is amazing! <3 <3 <3
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