Nervous, I'm not going to lie...

I'm going to take a pregnancy test in the morning.

Yeah, yeah ... so what you say ... you've been down this road before, taken lots of pregnancy tests.

True enough, but never has there really been a (tiny, miniscule) hope that it might actually come up with a second line on there. Pregnant. Sometimes I can hardly believe that we are trying to expand our little family. I'll freely admit that sitting here, the night before possibly finding out that our lives will be changing forever, that I'm a little, or maybe a lot, freaked out by that. I mean, it's a good thing, don't get me wrong ... but what a huge good thing it is, know what I mean?

But why get worked up about it? Odds are, I am not pregnant since my past cycles have indicated that I didn't ovulate. I guess that worries me more than anything. We want to have kids, but what if we simply can't? I know there is the option of adoption, but a selfish part of me wants to say that if I can't have one of our own, I don't want to have one at all. (I told you it was the selfish part of me and this is my blog so I'm saying it). But I'm sure that if it came down to it, we would cross that bridge.

So if tomorrow morning's test is a BFN, I will wait one week and test again on cd35. If that test is also a BFN, it's onto another round of progesterone and another new cycle. This will continue for September and October. I have a follow up appointment with my doctor the first week in November, and if I'm not pregnant by then we're going to discuss Clomid and other options beyond that. I hope it doesn't come to that.

Hey, I do have plenty of phantom symptoms after all.
Adding to the list today:

Holy major hot flash at work ... I got SO overheated this afternoon after lunch.

My lunch didn't sit well (huh, big surprise there - though the same pizza was fine last night and the whole wheat pasta I ate tonight is seeming to be fine as well --- if I am pregnant, then this phantom baby definitely likes the Italian side of me - haha).

The cramping continues. I've had mild pressure-ish cramps for about a week now. Sometimes more than others. I thought for sure AF was coming earlier this week and kept running to the bathroom to check. But, no ... not yet.

Well regardless ... here's to tomorrow!

CHEERS! (because yeah, it might be my last glass of wine for a long while!)