Feeling nostalgic

Ten months of marriage - it's hard to believe that it's been that long already. We spent nearly 18 months planning the wedding day, and those months seemed to drag on for 18 years. Then the day came and went in the blink of an eye, and I thank the stars that we hired a videographer because I barely remember it.

I had an awesome coffee date with my friend (who became my friend during the wedding planning process because we hired her as our photographer), and she gave us a DVD slideshow of all our engagement and wedding pictures set to music. We watched it last night and I think that's why I'm feeling maybe overly nostalgic this morning. But anyway ... I'll talk more about our wedding in a couple months with a special first anniversary post!

I've been a little moody the last few days and I do feel bad about it since the husband receives the brunt of my frustrations. I just can't help it.... the mood swings are new to me since I never had such crazy emotions before I stopped the birth control pills. I've GOT to learn to control the inner witch! AF is visiting (thank you Provera), so I'm sure that's a major contributing factor. I went yesterday for CD3 bloodwork, which I'm hoping shows everything as normal, since I've been taking my metformin like a good girl :) Time will tell.

One way or another, this is a new cycle and a new chance. I'm not temping anymore, which means that I'm sleeping better and I just feel more relaxed. I've never actually ovulated, anyway, so all those 5 months of temping were really quite useless in retrospect. I find that I was a little too obsessed with the TTC thing ... so, while we are definitely still trying, I'm not going to be all-consumed by every aspect anymore. I'll still track my CM (that's easy enough to do) but that's it. I figure, as long as we're having a lot of sexy time that'll cover us - if I do actually ovulate.

In the meantime, we're looking forward to the rest of the summer, our fall vacation to Virginia Beach, my 30th birthday and our first anniversary!

Mini-Vacation!

The hubby and I are going camping this weekend, leaving tomorrow morning.

I'm very excited because we really need a break. Granted, camping without running water in a tent, on property in the middle of nowhere (anyone heard of Brethren, MI??? no, I didn't think so!) with 10 other adults and 10 kids isn't exactly the lazy vacation I would rather have ... but it'll do for now.

Now, everyone knows that as adults camping and drinking and junk food all go together. I cannot have junk food (well, sugar) or alcohol right now because of the meds, so I guess I'll be hanging with the kiddos a lot, which is fine. 7 little girls and 3 little boys ... I used to be a summer camp counselor in college, so that's right up my alley. Maybe the other adults will laugh at me, but I don't care! HAHA I'm going to make the most of it and have a good time!

Plus - the best part - we're driving right by that amazing outlet mall on the way up north! It has a COACH outlet, and I have a 20% off coupon for the outlet store. I see a new handbag in my very near future!!!!!

Have a great weekend, and I'll try to remember to take some pictures to post when I get home!

Firewife Frustrations

Jealosy maybe.

I'm sitting at work, having lunch. Well, trying to eat as much lunch as my nauseous stomach will allow (stupid metformin, I hate you right now).

My husband called to tell me he was on his way to our favorite bar/restaurant with all the guys from his shift, since they're off today. He made sure to mention the delicious chicken sandwich he plans to eat. I'm eating a microwave bowl of clam chowder. Not that I begrudge him for going out with his friends or anything ... I'm just annoyed that he's able to do so. I work long days at my office, anywhere from 8.5-10.5 hours depending on how ambitious I am that day. I come home exhausted but somehow still manage to drag my lazy self to the gym to get a workout in before heading home for the night. My adorable, firefighter husband is home a lot. He works 3 24hr shifts every 9 day cycle. Three of his off days are coming off shift, 3 of them are totally at home. He does get up and make the coffee for me before I go to work, but then he's able to go back to bed. He spends a great deal of most days lounging at home with our little furkids, and lately playing with his newest obsession - Farm Town. A great game (I love it too) ... but when our nightly conversation includes what crops we planted/harvested or what new animals we got ... well, that's just a little weird. But that's another story. So yeah, he's home a lot. To give him credit, he does the laundry and makes dinner most nights so I don't have to when I come home from the gym. I appreciate it, I really do. I guess it's just little green jealosy showing its ugly head when I think about the fact that he can sleep, play games and go out to lunch during the week while I'm stuck in a windowless government office. The worst though, are the days he comes home from a shift .... I know he's tired. He has a very strenuous job. He'll come home around 8:45ish in the morning and take a "nap". Half the time, when I come home at 5:30pm, he's STILL asleep, during which time his sugar has dropped and he needs food an hour ago. That's when I get annoyed.

So yeah, I thought about it today because I'm not feeling good with the new meds and didn't sleep well at all last night, my lunch is not at all fulfilling and he's out on this gorgeous sunny afternoon drinking beers at the bar.

Oh well, I'm going to the mall after work because I have a bachelorette party to attend tomorrow night and I need a new outfit. Thank goodness it's not only Friday - it's PAYDAY!

I feel ... interesting.

BFN yesterday morning, but I expected that so it's okay this time, surprisingly.

I brought the hubby to my follow-up doctor appointment yesterday ... good thing, since he remembered some of the questions I might have forgotten had I gone alone. :) The doctor was thorough in his explanations and the plan of action we'll now take.

First ... must get a new cycle going. I have to take Provera again for that, but I'm waiting a few days to start it because otherwise I'll have a visit from AF while we're up north camping for 4 days (think ROUGH camping - no running water) and that's no ideal situation when AF is around! A few more days isn't going to hurt anything at this point.

Second ... I started taking metformin yesterday; half dose for 2 weeks before graduating to the full dose after that. This should help balance my hormones and help me lose some weight that I gained after coming off the birth control (it was OUT OF CONTROL!) ... I have already been on an eating plan of about 1400cal/day with 4-6 workouts a week (2 with a personal trainer) but I was still gaining wait, with little explanation. I took off 60 lbs 3 years ago (but I was on birth control then which is why the doctor thinks I lost it relatively easily back then). We'll see. At this point, I'm willing to try anything.

The doctor believes that once the hormones are balanced from the metformin and a reduction in my weight that I might start ovulating on my own (!!!!!) and may not need any other meds to get pregnant, but if I'm not pregnant within the next 4 months, then we will be trying Clomid.

And third ... since I'm not predictibly ovulating right now, I've decided to stop temping. It stresses me out when I see the perpetual inconsistancy in my temps and just gets me down that I'm not really functioning properly. Yeah, I know. Not temping is a bad idea in general. Maybe I'll start again at some point, but for now I'm only going to chart CM and other symptoms. It's better this way, at least I think it's going to be better this way. If it gets to the point of Clomid, I'll start temping again.

My one sadness in all of this - NO SWEETS at all with the metformin. No white flour either, which means no pasta. And let me tell you, for an Italian girl, this might be the end of me.

Have a great day!

My business has been nominated!!

Many of you know that in January 2008, I started a business with a friend of mine. We busted through the door of wedding planning and coordination to find great success. We absolutely love what we do, and obviously it shows.

Bella Tesora Events, LLC has been nominated for the 2nd year in a row for the WDIV 4 The Best contest and is currently in 5th place! I'm amazed and excited by the outstanding support of our clients and friends.

If you would like to vote for us (and you can vote with each email address you have!) please click here and show your support. Please spread the word!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!

I don't know if I should be sad or mad?

WTF, PCOS. I'm kind of convinced it's partially caused by the fact that I was on BCP's since my cycles were pretty much normal when I was younger. Maybe it's my family history of diabetes (apparently, it can become PCOS in women in their 20's and 30's instead of actual diabetes). Lovely. Thanks genetics, I really appreciate you.

Just a bump in the road, someone told me (I'd really rather have a baby bump, thanks) .... and a treatable one at that, so I know I shouldn't be overly upset. Lots of women who have this condition can (and do) get pregnant so I shouldn't get down on myself, but nevertheless, I didn't expect to hear that when the OB's office called me this morning. "Your ultrasound was very normal, BUT there are some small cysts on your ovaries consistant with the PCOS that you and Dr. L discussed at your last appointment, and you will discuss treatment options at your appointment next week."

It just seems so unreal. I don't have symptoms of this condition ... except for these ultrasound results. My bloodwork back in early May was NORMAL. I don't know whether I want to go cry in a corner or punch something.

The plan of the moment:

Follow up appointment on Monday, July 6.

Take HPT that morning, just to be sure.

Start Provera again that night (assuming neither AF has shown nor BFP - either of which would be great at this point).

At least it's a plan.

Well, I have an empty ute.

I got to experience my first ultrasound yesterday. They did an internal and external.

It was so sad to look at my empty ute on the monitor ... not precisely how I'd envisioned my first ultrasound, let me tell you. I was expecting it though since I'd taken another HPT yesterday morning for another BFN. I must have stared at that thing for a solid 10min just willing a second line to show up ... ah well, such is the way of it. I've only been off BCP since March 5.

The ultrasound itself was weird because it was all black and white for my right ovary and my uterus ... she got to my left ovary and the screen exploded in red and orange and yellow. Of course, the tech can't answer any questions so I won't know what the heck was going on there until the doctor calls me sometime this week. Let me tell you, I'm a little freaked out about it .... I mean, I was pretty sure I was having ovulation pains on the left this cycle, and that I'd ovulated ... but who knows. I am still experiencing many of the symptoms I was before. Headaches, some fireworks, cramping, fatigue and thirst. Soooo, since I'm not pregnant and AF doesn't appear to be anywhere near ... WHAT IS GOING ON???????

I decided to wait and hear from the doctor before I start another round of progesterone. I want to know what's going on in there before I resort to meds again.

My husband is amazing through all this ... because he knows I'm stressed about it (even though I shouldn't be; it's early in the process yet) but what's cool is that his whole fire department is rooting for us as well. It really continues to resonate that the fire department is another extended family to us. They are some really wonderful people.